A few days ago I got in touch with an old friend. We hadn’t talked in years when we used to hang out almost every day back in secondary school. I thought, “This was gonna be awkward.” when I decided to accept her invitation to meet. Surprisingly, we talked as if we had never lost contact. The meeting lasted longer than I expected and we had a lot of fun catching up.
Here’s the interesting part: there’s a part I didn’t want to mention to her regarding the changes I had since the last time we met. Although it did have such a huge impact on my life, I didn’t really think she needed to hear it — I’d prefer we talked about something else. Nonetheless, I filled her in and as I predicted, she had such a confused expression. (I don’t really feel like telling it here yet. Maybe later when I’m comfortable enough talking this in public.)
The one response she gave me which has been ingrained in my mind, was a statement.
“I never really thought of it to happen to you, because you seem to be such a warm person.”
I laughed it off. I mean, I guess it’s true. From all of the things I have gone through, it is a bit surprising I haven’t turned into a bitter person. However, being warm has been a coping mechanism for me in a way. I feel like treating people kindly or have less prejudice, makes me believe that this world is not such a bad place, same goes with witnessing or receiving said kindness by myself.
Is it harmful? Sometimes, yes. Kindness is mostly seen as weak when I beg to differ. People with good intentions can be taken for granted, cheated on, and disregarded. Nevertheless, I have read a quote by Morgan Harper Nichols that said, “Quiet strength is still strength”. Maybe the original context is different but I do believe that sometimes kindness, which is often overlooked, can become a strength. It’s up to us on how to balance this so that it doesn’t negatively impact other people and most importantly, ourselves.
If you think me spewing all this thinking I don’t have an ounce of bitterness inside of me — of course I do. I am still human after all. Perhaps I have just been trained to present the good stuff, while still maintaining to be realistic. It’s still a work in progress, but I am liking the pace I am at right now.
I’m not here to brag or to spread false optimism, I’m here to express the ways people cope with their traumas. If this doesn’t suit you, no problem — but for now, I chose kindness over hatred.
