For some people, one of the hardest obstacles in life is being able to love yourself. The idea of accepting who you are is difficult, considering the amount of criticism one’s could face in a community. When the public has expectations, it confined you to actually realize what you wanted to be. To fit in, perhaps. Because belonging in to something gives you comfort.
I too have always had, and still am going through this predicament. My family isn’t exactly the type to campaign “be who you want to be”. Other than that, I’m a woman. Sad to accept but there are certain stereotypes inbred in societies regarding women. There is always a ‘but’ whenever girls are told be who you want to be. Be successful, but not too successful. However, things have progressed these days, to the joys of women. But we still have a lot to fight for.
Although it is difficult, I strive to overcome this issue because I believe, once you’re able to practice self-love in the best way, you will be able to unlock your true potential and in the end, reach that goal of “be who you want to be” in the end. I want nothing more than to finally embrace my abilities and what I was born here to do.
All the years of my life I have experienced many parasocial relationships. Be it with celebrities or with crushes whom I barely spoke to. I’ve had my fair share of real life relationships and although they gave me a lot of contentment, I’d always comeback to parasocial relationships for comfort. At first I didn’t understand, until I finally realised the reason behind this was other than it gave me a sense of control (preventing me from being hurt by something inevitable), it was another form of self-love.
How you ask?
Sometimes when you like someone from afar, rather than knowing them personally, you create this image of the person in your head. You construct this based on pieces of information you’ve obtained and you stick them one by one like puzzle pieces. However, the finished puzzle is still not exactly the real deal. It’s just an idea. In some cases, these personalities — subconsciously — is a projection of who you actually are. Whenever you like someone you barely know, and you think “Oh, I think that person is similar to me, maybe we’re soulmates?” rather than love at first sight, you can feel sort of a link between the two of you. In fact, they could just be you.
From this, I realise liking or even loving this idea of a person who resembles me is another way of saying “I love myself.” It is something that I’ve recently grasped, but in my opinion there is some truth in it. Maybe silently I’ve been deprived of self-love and I missed the target. I should focus on me more than someone else (an idea of someone else, to be exact). I’ve woken up and chosen to be more aware of myself.
This, however, does not affect my stance on parasocial relationships. If it is a coping mechanism, as long as it’s still in a healthy amount, do it as you need. But keep in mind to look inside yourself — do you need love too?
