Let me tell you a story of a kid who just realized one of their dreams.
When I was 10 years old, I had a bit of an infatuation with a punk rock band from New Jersey, USA called My Chemical Romance. At that time they were considered pretty big, especially with the release of their titular album The Black Parade. The title song of said album, Welcome to The Black Parade, has become an anthem for emo all around the world. They got so big that they decided to do a world tour. One day, they did come to my country for a one night show. Unfortunately, I was not allowed to watch them. I was upset at that time however it was probably what every logical parent would do — banning their minor daughter from attending a rock concert where you could get potentially stomped on. Then, life went on. I got over them, moved on to a new obsession and slowly started to forget about them.
One day, I received a news of them breaking up. Even though I wasn’t exactly keeping tabs on them, I would still listen to them casually. Hearing that news broke my heart, got me into a reminiscing phase. Then, I got reminded of the dream I had of watching them, and how it was probably never going to come true.
Fast forward to 2020, one morning I woke up and saw people mentioning cryptic videos popping up on their Youtube channel. There was an emo storm coming and everyone had their guyliners, black nail polish, and black eyeshadow ready. They announced they were having a reunion show. It sparked up my desire to see them again. News circulated about them also going to perform in several countries. There was hope. I streamed their reunion show from someone’s instagram (shout out to them, they were everyone’s hero). It really got my heart racing again. Being able to hear them sing those songs that I, until this day, still know the lyrics, guitars, drums, screams. I told myself I have to watch them if they ever visited my home country, whatever it takes.
Then Covid happened.
That reunion show was the first and last we had of them after 7 years. Shows that were planned got ‘delayed’. However as the pandemic was nowhere near the end, they slowly got ‘cancelled’. I was in despair. I did not drag it along though, there were more things in life that I had to focus on at that point. The news of their reunion died down a bit since it seemed bleak for live gigs. And I started to forget about them, again.
In 2021 I decided to pursue a masters’ program abroad. It was also included in one of my wishlist: to live and study in another country. I was fortunate enough to find a fitting program at a fitting campus, in a fitting country. My focus was definitely on enjoying my time in this foreign terrain and to also get that degree. One day in October, I got an ad about an MCR show in a city of my country of residence.
My first thought was, Is this a scam?
I was out of the loop so I just looked it up. And apparently it was true, they were going to have a concert, sometime in June, and they were just about to sell the tickets. Mind you, at this time the Covid regulations in my country did leisured, but it was still not fitting for a huge public event. Then I thought, this is practically a gamble. If the situation did not clear up until June, they’re just going to cancel it again. I mean, I would still get my money back, but what I was worried about was the hope. Do I really want to hope to only be disappointed for the nth time?
However for some reason, I had the conviction that I just had to buy the tickets. Because up until then, I have never gotten to that point: actually considering to buy a ticket. And since I am old enough to make decisions on my own, I don’t have anyone telling me to not go. So when they opened the ticket sales, I just bought them. No brainer. Then the receipt of the ticket was sent to my email.
Holy shit, am I really going to watch MCR?
The months after was followed with a lot of observations and a lot of anxiety. In the middle of the year, cases went up again. I also caught the virus at some point, thankfully I overcame it quite fast. Some concerts were still not save enough to pull through so they got cancelled. At this point, my comfort was just having the tickets in hand and the belief of whatever happens, happens. I managed my expectations so I put those excitement in the back of my head. I chose to just focus on present activities.
It was early May. We were almost done with spring. I have finished more courses than the ones I still have left. The pandemic situation has changed status, becoming an endemic. And it was looking really good for the country I’m residing in.
MCR decided to drop a new song to stir up the scene. And oh, my, it got me very, very, excited.
At that point, it dawned on me it was less than a month until I actually saw them live! Singing their songs, with them, in the venue! Additionally, with the current situation I decided I was allowed to anticipate the day, in a normal amount.
So on June 2nd, I travelled to the city. I went to the arena. And saw these people in their best black attire. I just could not hold it in anymore. It was like a dam just broke and all those excitement and happiness overflowed. I was actually there, in an MCR concert. The place where my 10 year old self failed to be, I was there 15 years later.
And when they came on stage, my eyes got watery.
It was — and up until this day honestly — surreal. After their opening I was trying to process my presence there. All these people, listening, jamming, and screaming our hearts out, to the tunes of what used to, and perhaps still, comfort us. However, just when the intro of ‘This is how i disappear’ played, I switched gears and went full on fangirl mode.
A little bit of a side note I am used to watching concerts where I already know the setlist so I can be prepared to stand somewhere (yes, I have had my fair share of K-Pop concerts). However, this leg of the tour they decided to change setlists on every show. There are a couple of staple songs but they change the rest, and we would not know until we listen to the first note. Honestly, it was quite refreshing to not know what songs you were going to experience. Being surprised with each change of song made me wait at the edge of my seat.
The absolute pleasure I had of the night was when they played ‘This is not a fashion statement, it’s a deathwish’. It is not exactly my ultimate favorite song of theirs but I just know I had to see and hear this being performed live. When they started with the guitar, I let out the loudest scream. I was in awe at how my voice was still working the next day. There were also several songs I had in my wishlist that came true, I felt very spoiled.
The surprise of the night came from ‘Mama’ performance. To be honest, I was not very fond of the song, I used to skip it often if they ever came on. However, when it was played, the whole crowd was chanting the lyrics like a mantra. And everybody just went along with the theatrical nature of the song. It was one of the most immersing performance I had of the night that I didn’t even had the chance to record. We sang and flailed our hands, it was amazing.
There was never a dull moment in that 1 hour and 40 minutes of show. I could definitely go into more details about my experience in each song. But what I wanted to deliver through this writing was this concert touched me to the core, because of the impact it had on my younger self. The way I saw this band when I was a young girl and now is totally different. However, by getting to watch them, after all this time, it gave me some sort of closure on a chapter of my life. It encouraged me to open myself up to new dreams that even though will not be realized in the short term, may have a chance of coming true in the next 15 to 20 years.
To MCR, thank you for existing. Thank you for being here, then and now. And I hope you continue to touch the hearts of people all over the world, like you did to me ♥
