In all of my 24 years of living, I have never left far from home for a commitment — until now. Although I am old enough for my own decisions, I still need my parents approval since I still live under the same roof as them (sort of). And lucky me, they were quite supportive of my choice living abroad.
However, settling in another country with very different cultural background has its downside. The thing that stands out the most for me is the loneliness. I have never experience it in short distance, for example intercity, but I’m pretty sure my fellow friends who were travellers would feel the same. It took some time to adapt to new cultures and new people. This process gets stressful, sometimes frustrating.
Now, take this and amplify it — that’s how it is when you’re new to a country.
Even though I consider myself quite an adaptable person, I still feel the isolation. Compared to these people who had known each other longer and stayed here longer, a newbie is going to feel less confident about their surrounding. What’s worse is when you feel like you miss home, wanting to talk to people closest to you, there’s the time difference. You want to talk to them, but they’re already asleep. When they’re ready for a conversation, it was your turn to hit the hay.
Then I recall my time back at home and I remember, loneliness is not exactly foreign to me. I feel that even when I am with people I knew. I track back and I realise there are occasions where I didn’t truly belong anywhere — which is still the million dollar question for me until this day.
I also got reminded why I decided to take on this challenge, being far from what I have always known. It was to finally find out who I am as a person and what I want to exactly do in life. I have been so busy living for other people back home and I think, some time apart from that would help me find these answers I desperately need, especially when I’m not getting any younger.
Also, it helps having something that is constant, unchanging. They give me a sense of familiarity in the midst of change. Even the strongest sailors need to dock their ships.
So, I am trying to push through it as best as I can. Fingers crossed!
