the universe truly has its ways.
funny, how someone so self-centered is capable to bring someone so selfless into this world. feeding your ego yet it harms them with each care they give to you each day.
and i sometimes wonder who am i going to be like if i weren’t hurt? where am i going to end up if i were properly nurtured? would i still feel like i am not good enough or would i feel completely well adjusted to this world?
am i selfish for wanting to be loved like every kid do? i am grown, but not fully on my own. i need directions but now i am forced to find my own way. i’m always careful not to slip but when i look back i do it not because i care for myself, it’s because i care of what people think of me, and what they are going to think of you.
i have always carried this burden within me. i kept it close throughout my teenage years, not knowing how detrimental it is to my being. i realized when i reached adulthood that i have been protecting your image to me when you have always been the source of my pain.
am i selfish for wanting to be the best version of me by letting go of the illusion of you?
i can’t keep blaming myself. but again, i can’t keep blaming you either.
it’s all written, as they say. but how do we go from here when the answers’ have never given us any peace?
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